A calling is a funny, fickle thing. It has to be something that not only that you like, but are uncannily gifted at. Just because you enjoy puttering around your backyard garden doesn’t mean you can go start the nation’s next great root vegetable farm (Idaho’s already got the potato market cornered). Likewise, you might have a knack for repairing pool pumps, but it downright pisses you off when a friend calls you up for a fix. Finding what makes you happy in life and doing it for a living is never an easy journey. It’s full of missteps and false starts before you finally discover that one thing that makes you go “yeah, I can do this for a while, no problem” with a genuine smile on your face. It’s the one thing that you look forward to doing when you get up in the morning, eager to dive right in.
For me, it took a few years and a couple of tried before I found my sweet spot. I make it no secret that I’m a huge computer geek. The sound of my rig humming to life always makes me all giddy inside. I know more about what makes Windows tick than the average person, but that doesn’t make me an expert, just a passionate armature. I enjoy the sometimes-frustrating troubleshooting process, and the uplifting “a-ha!” moment that comes with finding a solution, but I could not deal with the little old lady on the tech support hotline that thinks the CD tray is a cup holder. Neither could I handle the confusing beautiful mess that is computer networking.
This is where I first thought I could make a happy living. I had no idea how networking or any IT tech worked, but as long as it was something to do with computers I figured I’d be okay. Boy was I ever wrong. From day one of my first serious class I could tell I was in way over my head. I was memorizing IP layers and protocols and assigning addresses like I was some sort of obsessive-compulsive bureaucratic city planner. It was all just too much to cram into my tiny think-space and I ended up failing spectacularly. When I finally realized I was going nowhere fast with the whole Information Systems program, I reached a panic-filled moment in my life. I ignored the obvious that was staring me right in the face and clung to the first thing that somebody threw my way.
This is where I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I lied to myself. I said “okay, I can do this” with false confidence and a smile so forced it made me die a little on the inside. I am of coarse talking about my decision to go into Culinary Arts. Now don’t get me wrong, the Inland Northwest Culinary Academy is a fine program filled with excellent people, but it didn’t take long for that nagging suspicion in the back of my mind to grow into the realization that this whole chef thing just isn’t for me. At home I barely cook because I barely enjoy it. The delicious end result is the only reason I ever go near a stove, in fact. While I may be not be doing half-bad in the traditional sit-down Food Science class, by no means do I want to be in the kitchen at all. I don’t know if it’s the strict stifling atmosphere or the emphasis on complete and total perfection in every little thing I do, but every time I walk into the kitchen I get the sense that I belong somewhere else, like my natural talents will never be used in this setting. Nearly half the time I get the urge to drop whatever I’m doing and just walk out. But I don’t, because I’d be letting down my fellow classmates. We depend on each other, and if there’s one thing Cooking Apps has taught me, it’s how good it can feel being a part of and contribute to a team that cares about each other.
Now, aside from my deep personal feelings towards working as a cook, there are also the hard facts of the matter. Mainly, I am absolutely unfit to come within fifty feet of an oven in a professional kitchen. My culinary skills are woefully inept as far as that style of cooking goes. I can make a mean pumpkin pie come thanksgiving, but dishing out plates of fettuccini alfredo every five minutes for eight hours straight… I’m quite sure it’d drive me insane if it didn’t kill me first. I simply can’t keep up with the frantic pace while maintaining consistent accuracy and quality in what I’m making. I’ve already been driven to the point of breakdown at least twice in my Cooking Apps class. Continuing on with the Culinary Arts program is just setting me up for failure while letting the skills I already possess go completely unutilized.
Second, several of the classes are done online. ENTIRELY. This is extremely problematic for a person like me with ADHD. I simply cannot learn unsupervised with such a mass distraction like the internet merely a click away. In fact, I’ve already browsed and wasted a good bit of time while writing this. All-online courses may be convenient for instructors, but for students like me self-learning is extremely challenging. I need regular face time with an instructor to explain things face-to-face, otherwise my focus will wander and I will simply be unproductive and only succeed in wasting everyone’s time.
But to the point, after a lot of soul searching and serious thought on the matter, I’ve finally found what was standing right in front of me this whole time, waiting patiently for me to acknowledge its existence. My true calling lies in writing. My father knew this since I was young, and I’m kicking myself for not listening to his encouragements. I’ve got a feeling life would’ve been much easier and less doubtful if I had. Truth be told, nothing makes me happier in life than writing a long paragraph sticky with my own unusual brand of wit. My teachers and friend could see this with every essay I wrote, but I was stubbornly blind to it. For some reason, I always thought assigned writing was the worst thing in the world. It wasn’t me; I was just following rules and guidelines. But in reality it’s my best time to shine. To flex my creative muscles and turn that boring old subject matter into something actually entertaining to read. That’s what writing should be in my opinion, first and foremost. Entertainment. If you happen to learn something from it, well, that’s just a happy accident.
When I was in my senior English class, getting my final essay handed back to me on the last day of school, my teacher whispered to me something that will stay with me probably for the rest of my life. “In my twenty years of teaching, you are probably the best writer I have ever had in my class.” Aside from giving my ego a nice massage, it sparked a funny little idea in my head. If I’m so good at writing, maybe someone will actually PAY me to do it! Unfortunately this idea sat in dormant for so long it faded from memory and was nearly lost.
Only recently I realized “hey, this is my own life, my own destiny! I can do whatever I please with it, not follow someone else’s passing suggestion!” Through this epiphany I remembered that I’ve got an amazing talent, just waiting to be explored and its full potential realized.
One particular facet of writing has always fascinated me since I was barely a teen. Journalism, and more specifically video game journalism. A magazine like Game Informer or Electronic Gaming Monthly is run by folks I’d like to think are a lot like me. Writers so passionate about their hobby they felt the need to share their opinions and news about the gaming industry with the rest of the world. From reviews to articles about design philosophy, everything those people write and report on daily captivates my mind and imagination to no end. If there’s only one thing I could do for the rest of my life, writing and editing in one of these prestigious publications would without a doubt be it. At last I know my destination after many long years of searching. All I need to do now is get in the right path to reaching it.
